Self-control tips

Practice Mind Control

We all have reactions, and nine times out of 10, the things we’re struggling with are internal. It’s the battle of the two different mindsets. The mindset that tells you that you can do it and the one that says that you can’t. The mindset that feels happy one minute and then is overwhelmed with anxiety and doesn’t know how to lift the veil of depression the next. The mindset that tells you:

“I’m not smart enough.”

“I’m not pretty enough.”

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not fast enough.”

“I’m not rich enough.”

All of these thought patterns, if left unchecked, can damage your self-esteem. And your mindset has a direct impact on your emotions and self-esteem.

Remember, all of life is disciplined practice. If you want to get control of your emotions, you’re going to have to practice and rebuild your self-esteem.

When you get pissed off or someone dings your ego, that sting to your gut is usually a reminder to feel badly about yourself. If your reaction is to tear down the person who said the negative comment about you, that doesn’t serve you well. You have to rebuild your pride around the willingness to not make the uncomfortable sting that you’re feeling somebody else’s fault.

When properly reframed, you will realize that even though the messenger was trying to be hurtful and cruel, they had a good message. And it’s good because you can use it to actually move yourself towards your goals. If they remind you of something that you’re not good at. Great. You can train yourself to get better at anything. Just don’t lose sight of your goal, which has to be to shorten the time you feel badly about yourself. Because feeling badly about yourself does not move you toward your goals.

Don’t build your self-esteem around being right, good, or powerful; build it around identifying the right answer. The powerful answer. The potent and efficient answer — faster than anyone else.

Don’t be afraid to nakedly look at the things that you’ve failed to get good at thus far. Your very willingness to look at your weaknesses and turn them into strengths by improving and getting better should be something you feel good about.

Pull the Trigger

What moves you towards your goals is turning that sting into a positive trigger. A trigger that starts the reminder that you’re building your self-esteem around something different.

What will your positive trigger be? That’s up to you to decide. You can use the habit formation techniques found in some of my favorite books as a starting point. But since you’re still reading this, I’ll throw out a few simple ideas:

• Watch a funny movie

• Force yourself to laugh out loud

• Hold a pencil in your teeth

• Stand up straighter

• Adopt a confident posture

• Meditate

Initially, forcing yourself to implement any of the above suggestions when bad feelings are triggered will feel awkward as hell. But believe it or not, the mere act of slightly forcing yourself into a smile by holding a pencil in your teeth will actually make you feel better. One of the most profound things that you’re doing when you choose a different reaction, beyond training your muscles, is building myelin in your brain.

Myelin links synapses together. And neurons that fire together, wire together. You get into these neuronal patterns that literally make you more mentally efficient, because the myelin allows the electrical signals to pulse between the two neurons much faster.

That’s one of the reasons why meditation is so powerful. You’re creating repeated patterns of serenity, of calmness, of being centered. And those repeated patterns create a highway to feelings that you can access in the midst of all the chaos to quickly get yourself back to center.

Source: https://journal.thriveglobal.com/how-to-use-mind-control-to-get-your-emotions-in-check-767824447f43

With this success/failure dichotomy in mind, I give you six strategies for self-control that come straight from new research conducted at Florida State University. Some are obvious, others counter intuitive, but all will help you eliminate those pesky failures and ensure your efforts to boost your willpower are successful enough to keep you headed in the right direction for achieving your goals.

Self-Control Secret #1 – Meditate

Meditation actually trains your brain to become a self-control machine (and it improves your emotional intelligence). Even simple techniques like mindfulness, which involves taking as little as five minutes a day to focus on nothing more than your breathing and your senses, improves your self-awareness and your brain’s ability to resist destructive impulses. Buddhist monks appear calm and in control for a reason.

Self-Control Secret #2 – Eat

File this one in the counter intuitive category, especially if you’re having trouble controlling your eating. Your brain burns heavily into your stores of glucose when attempting to exert self-control. If your blood sugar is low, you are far more likely to succumb to destructive impulses. Sugary foods spike your sugar levels quickly and leave you drained and vulnerable shortly thereafter. Eating something that provides a slow burn for your body, such as whole grain rice or meat, will give you a longer window of self-control. So, if you’re having trouble keeping yourself out of the company candy bin when you’re hungry, make sure you eat something else if you want to have a fighting chance.

Self-Control Secret #3 – Exercise

Getting your body moving for as little as 10 minutes releases GABA, a neurotransmitter that makes your brain feel soothed and keeps you in control of your impulses. If you’re having trouble resisting the impulse to walk over to the office next door to let somebody have it, just keep on walking. You should have the impulse under control by the time you get back.

Self-Control Secret #4 – Sleep

When you are tired, your brain cells’ ability to absorb glucose is highly diminished. As I explained in Secret #1, your brain’s ability to control impulses is nil without glucose. What’s worse, without enough sleep you are more likely to crave sugary snacks to compensate for low glucose levels. So, if you’re trying to exert self-control over your eating, getting a good night’s sleep—every night—is one of the best moves you can make.

Self-Control Secret #5 – Ride the Wave

Desire has a strong tendency to ebb and flow like the tide. When the impulse you need to control is strong, waiting out this wave of desire is usually enough to keep yourself in control. The rule of thumb here is to wait at least 10 minutes before succumbing to temptation. You’ll often find that the great wave of desire is now little more than a ripple that you have the power to step right over.

Self-Control Secret #6 – Forgive Yourself

A vicious cycle of failing to control oneself followed by feeling intense self-hatred and disgust is common in attempts at self-control. These emotions typically lead to over-indulging in the offending behavior. When you slip up, it is critical that you forgive yourself and move on. Don’t ignore how the mistake makes you feel; just don’t wallow in it. Instead, shift your attention to what you’re going to do to improve yourself in the future.

Putting These Strategies to Work

The important thing to remember is you have to give these strategies the opportunity to work. This means recognizing the moments where you are struggling with self-control and, rather than giving in to impulse, taking a look at the Six Secrets and giving them a go before you give in. It takes time to increase your emotional intelligence, but the new habits you form with effort can last a lifetime.

Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2012/09/17/the-six-secrets-of-self-control/2/#23ccb0282e6e