6 SIGNS OF OVERSIZED EGO
Most people have a great belief that society is ruled by egotistical behavior. That in order to be successful, you must have a healthy dosage of ego. We do things based on selfish whims. But, most of us do things for our benefit and for the welfare of others. There is a huge difference between ego and confidence.
Tennessee Williams wrote: “Nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaw of their own egos. That is the way we all see…each other in life. Vanity, fear, desire, competition — all such distortions within our own egos — condition our vision of those in relation to us. Add to those distortions to our own egos the corresponding distortions in the egos of others, and you see how cloudy the glass must become through which we look at each other.”
How can you tell if the person has a healthy awareness and confidence or suffers from a giant ego?
HERE ARE 6 SIGNS OF AN OVERSIZED EGO:
1. THEY HAVE TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT.
According to famous psychoanalyst, Sigmund Freud, the ego operates according to the reality principle. In an article in Simply Psychology, “The ego considers social realities and norms, etiquette and rules in deciding how to behave.”
We must have ego in order to function as humans. The ego is the determined compass from right and wrong. It helps us make decisions in life. However, an unhealthy ego doesn’t see past their own needs and desires. They have to always be right in everything. Usually this type of person gets enraged when they are accused of being wrong.
2. THEY ALWAYS WANT MORE.
A person suffering from an inflated ego is never satisfied. They are addicted to the high they get from reaching goals. Their accomplishments dictate their behavior. They cannot accept what is right now. They need more of everything. If a neighbor got a new sports car, they want a better sports car just to show them they are better.
3. THEY MUST ALWAYS WIN.
Huge egos do not accept loss. They must be number one in everything they go after. These folks will do just about anything to succeed, even if it means hurting another person. They manipulate the system for their benefit. They are disloyal, disrespectful and obnoxious. Can you imagine a child having a tantrum for not getting a cookie? The egotistical person will have a tantrum if they lose. They expect the world to revolve around their needs.
4. THEY REQUIRE CONSTANT RECOGNITION.
The egotistical maniac has given himself/herself a grandiose sense of self-importance and expects others to see this at all times. They will exaggerate any talents and achievements in the course of their lives. They will tell and retell stories of past events to acquire recognition and admiration. They will embellish their unlimited success, worth and beauty so that others see them as perfect.
5. THEY HAVE ONE-SIDED CONVERSATIONS.
These folks suffer from lack of interpersonal relationships. They do not understand what it is to support another with their dreams, ideas, or emotions. Egotistical people will talk excessively, and when someone tries to point out something that is not about them, they will get upset. They don’t have social cues on give and take in relationships. Egotistical people don’t ask, “What can I do for you?” They are only concerned with what anyone can do for them.
6. THEY LACK EMPATHY.
Someone who suffers from a huge ego can also be described as a narcissist. Dr. Sam Vaknin shares his perspective on personality disorders. He says that “Normal people use a variety of abstract concepts and psychological constructs to relate to other persons. Emotions are such modes of inter-relatedness. Narcissists and psychopaths are different. Their “equipment” is lacking. They understand only one language: self-interest. Their inner dialog and private language revolve around the constant measurement of utility. They regard others as mere objects, instruments of gratification, and representations of functions.”
Empathy doesn’t exist for the egotistical person. They are not able to accept compassion or show empathy.
Source: https://www.powerofpositivity.com/6-signs-oversized-ego/
***********************************
Attractive and Effective Communication With People Who Have Big Egos
You may find it difficult to communicate with people who have big egos. However, here are 10 important ways in which you can make your communications with them more attractive and effective:
1. Communicate issues and propositions, not personal attacks. Personal attacks will immediately push them into a defensive and confrontational mode and they will not be inclined to agree to anything you have to say. Even if you get them to look at a blue sky and tell them that the sky is blue, if you insult them, they will find a rainbow somewhere in the sky and will disagree with you. So, communicate your point, but don’t point fingers!
2. Make requests. Do not command or order them around. Make respectful requests and say “please”, or “I request”. Refrain from saying “you must”, or “you need to”, or “you have to.”
3. Offer acknowledgments and gratitude. Before communicating any disagreement with them, seek to identify any of their conduct or statements that could be reasonable. Acknowledge said reasonableness. Once you have acknowledged that something that they have said or done is reasonable, they will have an easier time communicating to you that what you are saying or doing is reasonable as well. Say “thank you” any time they compromise or offer concessions, in order to encourage further concessions and compromises.
4. Communicate new facts or points. Do not try to force them to accept that they are wrong, negligent, or inconsistent. If you do, you will face a powerful resistance from their egos. So, instead of telling them that you are right and they are wrong, try to communicate any new and fresh facts or points that you did not previously communicate. In effect, when you communicate new facts or points, you will be creating a brand new proposition or offering which now they can use to “save face” and freely accept. Introducing new facts/points “unfinalizes” previous decisions made by them and creates a shift from an “ego-boxed-in” status to a “free-to-choose” status.
5. Offer an alternative. They may communicate firmly that they absolutely will not give you what you are requesting. However, they may be willing to give you something else that is equally important to you. Instead of “pushing” them into a situation in which they may appear weak and/or inconsistent if they give in to your request, you can instead pull them toward you by giving them a creative alternative to consider. Because alternatives actually create fresh new requests, they can now “save face” and accept your new request.
6. Focus on solutions. Do not complain. For example, when you go to a store, you would ask the store employee for the one or two items that you do want. You would not itemize every item in the store that you do not want. Complaining to the store employee about how you do not like or want all the other non-desired items would obviously be a waste of time and will frustrate the store employee. So, communicate respectfully what it is that you want in a focused manner and avoid useless negativity.
7. Give compliments. Think about anything that you like about them and pay them compliments accordingly. Compliments will powerfully cushion big egos.
8. Invite them to participate. Ask them to share their thoughts and opinions with you. Moreover, communicate that their opinions are important. For example, you could say the following: “Because your opinions are important, I invite you to work with me to _________.”
9. Extend your cooperation. You might say something like the following: “How can I cooperate with you to make things better?”, or “Is there anything I can do to positively move things forward?”, or “I would like to work with you as a team in order to resolve this matter.”
10. Do not boast or brag. Other than stroking your own ego, boasting/bragging does not make your communication more attractive or effective in any manner. Instead, it fuels them to prove you wrong.
For more on attractive and effective communication, visit www.attractivecommunication.com.
Source: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-rooni/post_5754_b_4227750.html
1. Communicate issues and propositions, not personal attacks. Personal attacks will immediately push them into a defensive and confrontational mode and they will not be inclined to agree to anything you have to say. Even if you get them to look at a blue sky and tell them that the sky is blue, if you insult them, they will find a rainbow somewhere in the sky and will disagree with you. So, communicate your point, but don’t point fingers!
2. Make requests. Do not command or order them around. Make respectful requests and say “please”, or “I request”. Refrain from saying “you must”, or “you need to”, or “you have to.”
3. Offer acknowledgments and gratitude. Before communicating any disagreement with them, seek to identify any of their conduct or statements that could be reasonable. Acknowledge said reasonableness. Once you have acknowledged that something that they have said or done is reasonable, they will have an easier time communicating to you that what you are saying or doing is reasonable as well. Say “thank you” any time they compromise or offer concessions, in order to encourage further concessions and compromises.
4. Communicate new facts or points. Do not try to force them to accept that they are wrong, negligent, or inconsistent. If you do, you will face a powerful resistance from their egos. So, instead of telling them that you are right and they are wrong, try to communicate any new and fresh facts or points that you did not previously communicate. In effect, when you communicate new facts or points, you will be creating a brand new proposition or offering which now they can use to “save face” and freely accept. Introducing new facts/points “unfinalizes” previous decisions made by them and creates a shift from an “ego-boxed-in” status to a “free-to-choose” status.
5. Offer an alternative. They may communicate firmly that they absolutely will not give you what you are requesting. However, they may be willing to give you something else that is equally important to you. Instead of “pushing” them into a situation in which they may appear weak and/or inconsistent if they give in to your request, you can instead pull them toward you by giving them a creative alternative to consider. Because alternatives actually create fresh new requests, they can now “save face” and accept your new request.
6. Focus on solutions. Do not complain. For example, when you go to a store, you would ask the store employee for the one or two items that you do want. You would not itemize every item in the store that you do not want. Complaining to the store employee about how you do not like or want all the other non-desired items would obviously be a waste of time and will frustrate the store employee. So, communicate respectfully what it is that you want in a focused manner and avoid useless negativity.
7. Give compliments. Think about anything that you like about them and pay them compliments accordingly. Compliments will powerfully cushion big egos.
8. Invite them to participate. Ask them to share their thoughts and opinions with you. Moreover, communicate that their opinions are important. For example, you could say the following: “Because your opinions are important, I invite you to work with me to _________.”
9. Extend your cooperation. You might say something like the following: “How can I cooperate with you to make things better?”, or “Is there anything I can do to positively move things forward?”, or “I would like to work with you as a team in order to resolve this matter.”
10. Do not boast or brag. Other than stroking your own ego, boasting/bragging does not make your communication more attractive or effective in any manner. Instead, it fuels them to prove you wrong.
For more on attractive and effective communication, visit www.attractivecommunication.com.
Source: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-rooni/post_5754_b_4227750.html
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét