Well, I had a big emotional outburst yesterday, which is accumulated by a myriad of things that had been stressing me out and driving down my mood lately.
There were lots of trials and errors in addressing this issue. Some failed, some worked. Finally, I got to find some effective ways to handle it.
I will describe it in sequence to see how they worked for me. Just to left a note for myself so that when I look back later I can remember the techniques:
----Waking up yesterday's morning, I feel exhausted. Just because of the massive amount of homework for IELTS that I have been allocated to and the sickness, I feel unwell - physically and mentally. I know something's been wrong.
I was overwhelmed with so many negative thought at that time:
* Frustrated: Why does it take so long to get the desirable band score for IELTS speaking and writing? I am tired, fucking tired.
* Not finishing allocated work drives me crazy: I havent finished lots of IELTS exercises. That leaves me thinking and thinking, worrying and worrying, without really focusing on what is going on now
* Not confident: I looked at other young girls at the party I attended last night and feel so bad about myself. As compared to them, I am not that beautiful, confident, strong. I dont dress nicely and I dont know how to do makeup.
* I feel bad about myself after receiving blunt comments from Long. In addition, I was so fed up with my adoptive Mom's depression state that I just dont want to get close to her.
All in one !
I was about to explode....
I decided to take action against this issue:
1. First and foremost, be strict to myself. Dont let the emotion run wild. I have to keep in under control. I have to keep reminding myself about the positive attitude and clear thinking. I would try hundreds of technique just to manage my emotion. ---> IT WORKED.
2. I tried writing down in the Grateful app about the thing that I should be grateful for. It worked but not as much as before, especially when I am in the situation of being so angry at myself and so upset
---> IT WORKED BUT NOT ALL THE TIME.
3. I calmed myself down. Think about what is worrying me. Write it down and start figuring out the solution. I repeat the sentences that Long has told me several times: "Think to work out the best solutions. Not to worry more and let your thought go uncontrolled".
In applying of this advice, while cleaning the dishes in the kitchen, I started thinking about the solution for the issue of Ms Quynh IELTS. Taking several IELTS classes at the same time somehow leaves me under a lot of pressure and chaos in receiving so much information and couldnt process them all. Therefore, after considering two options:
a. Put off Ms Quynh's classes until 2 months later
b. Put off Ms Quynh's writing class only. Continue with the speaking one.
I went for Option B because I realize that it's the Writing class that caused me confusion. The Speaking class, on the other hand, was quite helpful. So I emailed her my request and got her approval. Problem solved. Phewwww ! A burden was taken off. I feel less stressed now.
----> IT WORKED.
4. I feel that I am exhausted after several days of cramming IELTS, so decided to give myself a break.
I promised to myself that I wont learn anything today. Just relax. Time for self-love and self-care.
Treating myself good food. Watching comedy. Listening to music. Chatting with friends.
Keep saying that to myself "When you are tired, learn to rest, not to quit"
I deliberately studied nothing yesterday.
And IT WORKED. My mind was refreshed and I feel reinvigorated.
5. Talk to a friend.
Linh has always been a good friend to me. We have known each other since grade 6, and she is always there to support me through my ups and downs.
I gave her a call to vent a little bit, to get it off my chest, and to reinforce my positive thinking by analyzing my thought to her. She listened with patience and understanding.
And then gave some comments on my current state and what she thought I should do.
Her comments are always on the spot !
I feel clear about what is going on and the actions I need to take right now.
I decided to take a break today and get back to IELTS tomorrow. I need some rest. Yes !
---> IT WORKED.
6. When you are in bad mood, diverting your attention to something else may help.
I was stuck in those negative thinking for a few hours. However, since watching comedy or a travelling TV show, I shifted my attention to those fun things and my mood was immediately improved. No victim mentality anymore. No bad feeling anymore. I was too busy observing interesting things out there and forgot about my negative thought.
-----> IT WORKED SOMEHOW. BUT IT SHOULD BE SOMETHING REALLY INTERESTING THAT CAN FULLY CAPTIVATE MY ATTENTION.
7. Sleep.
Sleep deprivation is one of the potential reasons contributing to my low mood recently. I become crankier when I dont have enough sleep. Therefore, I decided to take a good sleep. I slept 12 hours straight. And that is definitely one of the most efficient ways to cure my tiredness. I feel much better the next morning.
----> IT WORKED.
8. By all means, you have to get those negative feeling out.
Although I tried several techniques during the day, I somehow feel uneasy and was just about to cry several times. I noticed this and decided to let it out. It's unnecessary to bottle up my feeling.
I talked to myself out loud. "What is going on with you Hannah?" and then I replied "bla bla". I let all the frustration, negative thought out.
I let myself punch at the pillow several times to release all the anger.
And then let it calm down. Breath in. Breath out.
Afterward, I started talking to myself by reframing my thought, pointing out the positive and how I can become better in the future. In the end, I keep saying to myself that I trust myself, that I can do it, that I am much better than I think I am. Reinforce those positive thinking with evidence, to persuade myself that I can do it.
Finally, everything became alright.
I started putting myself together and heading out to bed.
IT WORKED.
This morning I waked up and feel completely different. Everything gets back to normal. Deep down my heart, I feel completely fine now.
I know that I have been successful in conquering all those negative feeling.
A big applause to myself. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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